Nor is it a purchased-only-yesterday, golden glass seashell ashtray of cherries either. I say this in reference to day-to-day put on yer pants and get going living, but more specifically about how life seems to require a lot of nimbleness. If you are wondering what that statement has to do with creativity, you're not alone. (Ha! Just kidding!) No seriously, I think creating, fashioning, crafting - you name it - your life takes nimbleness. And dexterity. Patience (with yourself, mostly) mixed with perseverance. Hope.
This is on my mind because I'm now committing myself to figuring out what else I want to do, besides teaching. I'm working on this with someone - and what a find she is - talking about past jobs and interests and writing lots of crap down. (The good kind of crap). Also as of yesterday I'm reading a book called Finding Your Own North Star and based on the introduction alone I'm reminded that a lot of people, if not most, hit a point where they feel they've gotten off track completely or at least feel estranged from what they were meant to do with themselves. And that's a really painful place to be. Panic-inducing, discombobulating, stymieing. The book begins with a quote by a guy called Dan (age 41, but he could be any age, or a chick* for that matter) and goes as follows:
"Right in the middle of my life, I realized that I wasn't where I wanted to be. It was like I'd wandered off the right path into a very, very bad neighbourhood. I don't even want to remember how scary that space was - makes me feel like I'm gonna die or something. I'm only telling you about it because a lot of good came from it in the long run. So anyway, I don't even know how I ended up so off course. I felt like I'd been sleepwalking."
In reality, Dan is Dante Alighieri and this is from the first few lines of his The Divine Comedy, 1307. So let's just say that this kind of confusion has been happening to people of all ages since at least the Middle Ages. I don't know about you, reader (assuming someone will read this), but I find this comforting. I also take comfort in the fact that Dante did find his way out and that though the journey can be hard sometimes, it's also very (very) rewarding. This according to author Martha Beck, but I tend to believe her. Better still, that you need not reinvent yourself from scratch, indeed that the answers you seek, the talents and skills - some even transferrable! - are there already. You might need to hone them or rely on something or someone outside of yourself to help you get there, but the foundation is there already. (Didn't I warn you that this post would be rambling and wordy? No?)
I am not sure how to wind this up, but just to say that I like the notion that finding 'home,' or your stella polaris, or purpose - of living your life and yes, meeting your responsibilities is something that you fashion. It's ongoing. You won't be good at everything, but you've got to be bloody good at some things. Go there.
* I don't find chick to necessarily be a put-down. Depends on how it's used, is all.
Loved that book! Turtle steps Sweet Sister, Turtle steps. You have much to offer.
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