Things I say to my cats, in no particular order.

1. No. Absolutely, not.

2. I don't think I like your tone of voice. In fact, I'm sure I don't.

3. Keep 'yer pants on!

4. Stop eating Noah's special food! Jesus!

5. Go drink water from your bowl like a normal cat.

6. Godda@m$it!

7. Stop being so adorable, it's unfair/it's a distraction/I find it manipulative.

8. Stop suckling! God, stop it, seriously.

9. Um, I'm sorry, but the last time I checked, I was the boss here.

10. Who did this?

Watch this space for things I enjoy singing to my cats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!